The daftness of Rich

Welcome to the new and improved Daftness of Rich page!

The following page is my own dedication to the daftness of my lovely geeky boyfriend - all hail his incredible daftness and may you also follow his amusing example.

For those of you who may still doubt the daftness of Rich, then visit the daftness photo page to view the evidence

Rich Speak

Rich sometimes needs a little translating as his daftness often overflows into his every day conversation. The following are some translations from his personal vocabulary:

  • Tellingbone = Telephone
  • Ollygobbler = Helicopter
  • Squillie = Squirrel
  • Nabana = Banana
  • Nanabonge = Banana blamange (from childhood)

Rich is very into his podcasts, one of his favourites being Diggnation. Each episode of Diggnation usually gets a couple of sponsors which get mentioned at the being. There is also a new 'made up' sponsor each week - one of these was Pink-a-tron, the first gay transformer. Rich's catch phrase for that week was "Ker ker cha cher, let's go shopping<or anything else that he fancied doing>". He seems to have stopped saying that, instead every thing is now "something-a-tron".

Rich suggests...

One of Rich's collegues was asking for name suggestions for a new work magazine she was putting together. Rich being the lovely geek that he is suggested calling it 'Klog' (because of his blogging geekiness) he also thought that adding '.beta' at the end would help make it a bit more geeky


Are you a victim of Snaffling? If you share a house with your male partner the you may well be. Snaffling is the act of sneaking into a cupboard or fridge to quickly eat something before the other partner notices. This strange act of snaffling is only enjoyable if done without the other person's knowledge, however when caught in the act the Snaffler is often not sorry for the crime - but slightly proud of it for some reason.

You may be a victim of snaffling - have you noticed the following tale-tale signs?

  • Food disappearing
  • Your partner smells of those chocolates that you like so much
  • Rustling sounds
  • Crumbs on your partners clothes
  • Crumbs in your bed
Cheesy puns

Rich is guilty of saying some of the most dire puns that I have ever heard. Some examples of these as follows:

  • If you ask Rich to grate some cheese he will then exclaim "grate!"
  • If the weather report predicts snow Rich will say "that's snow joke"
Bean mites

Rich loves his tins of Baked beans. Recently he has developed a slight addiction to 'Branston Beans' and so when I go shopping I regularly have to buy him a tin or two. If you ask Rich what has happened to all those tins that you bought he will blame their disappearance on "the bean mites".

According to Rich the bean mites regularly hunt our store cupboards looking for stashes of beans so that they can 'mine' them for the precious beans. The bean mites are ruled by the mighty 'Poonbar bean' - who is rumoured to be a bean himself, possibly even a cannibal bean as he eats the beans mined by the bean mites.

Horse & the hat

Rich enjoyed watching through the BBC's version of "Pride & Prejudice" with me so much that he has even developed his own saying (with actions) as a result.

If Rich is 'mock' offended by something then he will so and add "with the horse and the hat" to the end while miming a tall hat and riding a horse.

Interval music

Rich doesn't like long periods of quiet and as a result will start to hum/sing/dance if left to his own devices. One of his favourite times for doing this is when out walking somewhere. If I remember to stay quiet then he often will start singing a song of his own invention. There have been a number of classics which include:

  • "It's a Wandle and a park"
  • "Like a Wandle"
  • "Rich is King"
Rich names...

On our way out to dinner for our 15 month anniversary Rich decided to come up with some names for hairdressing businesses, they are as follows:

  • Curly cut cut / Curly curly cut cut
  • Sir scalp alot
  • "I'll cut you good!" (a rather scary one)
  • Cut-tastic
  • "That's some good cutting" (Simpsons inspired)
  • Cut and dried
  • Chop suey
  • 'MOP' Master Of Perms - the permatations are endless (again - check out the simpsons section
Will the real Homer please stand up?

I have been gradually realizing a disturbing trend - it would seem that Rich is turning into Homer Simpson...

Rich is a huge Simpsons fan - I believe he has seen almost all the episodes, and those that he has seen he knows backwards. His favourite character is Homer Simpson - so much so that he models himself on Homer, and he may even be gradually turning into him. The following are some examples of Rich sayings that originated in the Simpsons:

  • "Doh!" (an obvious favorite)
  • "Sacrellicious" (from the episode where Homer sells his soul)
  • "Ummm... floor pie" (from the episode where Bart joins the scouts)
  • "The percolations are imminent" (a quote from Monty Burns)
  • "Yes, yes I do" (said by Bart in the Australia episode)
  • "Cunning like a fox" (I don't know which episode this particular quote is from, but Rich uses this one all the time... sometimes he does a variation on it, like "Ferocious like a fox")

This list will grow - there are hundreds of these sayings, I just can't remember them all right now...

The rubble alliance

One evening some mates of Rich's came round for dinner and games (more details here), and the game we ended up playing was called 'The Settlers of Catan'. In this game you collect different resources to enable you to build stuff - Rich and I keep getting Rubble cards, so he suggested that we form the 'Rubble Alliance!'

Tea song

While out on a lunch time walk Rich sang to me the following:

(to the tune of "Tea for two")

Tea for Rich, and Rich for tea,
Lot's of things to make with tea,

*At which point I asked him what sort of things*

Like tea, and then more tea
Can't you see how happy Rich could be?

Double talk

The following is a faithful and accurate record of the 'double talk' that Rich said one evening:

  • "Cleary-cleary"
  • "Funny-funny"
  • "Tucky- tucky"
  • "Beaky-beaky"
  • "Dingy-dingy"
  • "Slicey-slicey"
  • "Washy-washy"
  • "Munchy-munchy"
  • "Flappy-flappy"
  • "Huggy-huggy"
  • "Kissy-kissy"
  • "Turny-turny"
The bickering badgers

After talking about how well we get on together Rich went on to say:

"That is until the doors close and then we bicker like bickering small furry mammals"

I encouraged him to elaborate and he came up with the following:

"like bickering badgers! One would say:"

Badger 1: "My fur is mostly grey"
Badger 2: "No, it's mostly black"
Badger 1: "Grey!"
Badger 2: "Black!"
Badger 1: "Grey!"
Badger 2: "Black!"
Badger 1&2: "Bicker, bicker, bicker"